download Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide By Linda Babcock – Albawater.co

Everyone should read this book.For women, this book shows empirically some of the effects of gender socialization, how that socialization creates pay inequality, and what you can do about it For men, this book is a great window into some of the cultural dynamics that may be invisible to you, that women have to deal with every day Also, if you are male but feel like you have trouble being assertive, you should also read it and sub yourself in for the women that Babcock studied, because you ve p Everyone should read this book.For women, this book shows empirically some of the effects of gender socialization, how that socialization creates pay inequality, and what you can do about it For men, this book is a great window into some of the cultural dynamics that may be invisible to you, that women have to deal with every day Also, if you are male but feel like you have trouble being assertive, you should also read it and sub yourself in for the women that Babcock studied, because you ve probably picked up some of the same cultural lessons although not every chapter will apply to you such as the double bind women get in when they re punished for acting assertive because they re seen as too aggressive.Babcock s research helps explain part of the persistent wage gap between men and women primarily in the way gender norms around negotiations act to impede women The structure of the book is simple and to the point Each chapter focuses on part of the dynamic, opening with a summary of the research to date, then moving in to talk about the best potential strategies for dealing with the findings Topics include things such as the punishment that can accrue to women who are considered too pushy , the way different genders are socialized to be good workers , and the different expectations for each gender on how to move through the world An example of the last We heard many stories of how parents communicate this difference to their children Martha, the career counselor, described a conversation she had with her husband about how his father had taken the boys out and taught them how to tip basically, taught them how to slip the maitre d money for good tables or give some money to the guys who were in the band to play a good song She d never met a woman who d had a comparable experience, she said, in which a parent or other authority figure took her out and showed her, as Martha put it, how to circumvent the system to get what she wanted The titular dynamic the book discusses is that while men are encouraged by society to pursue their goals and ask for raises, negotiate their pay when they re hired, demand higher bonuses , women are encouraged to work hard and wait to be recognized This means that, generally, for women, being appreciated means having their boss realize how well they re doing and give them a raise For men, being appreciated means asking for a raise and getting it Babcock points out a subtler result of this dynamic even bosses who want to appreciate their employees are hampered, because if they re not paying attention the men waving their hands around for raises are farnoticeable than the women working quietly and industriously expecting to be noticed When Linda Babcock asked why so many male graduate students were teaching their own courses and most female students were assigned as assistants, her dean said More men ask The women just don t ask It turns out that whether they want higher salaries or help at home, women often find it hard to ask Sometimes they don t know that change is possible they don t know that they can ask Sometimes they fear that asking may damage a relationship And sometimes they don t ask because they ve learned that society can react badly to women asserting their own needs and desires By looking at the barriers holding women back and the social forces constraining them, Women Don t Ask shows women how to reframe their interactions and accurately evaluate their opportunities It teaches them how to ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable and possible, taking into account the impact of asking on their relationships And it teaches all of us how to recognize the ways in which our institutions, child rearing practices, and unspoken assumptions perpetuate inequalities inequalities that are not only fundamentally unfair but also inefficient and economically unsound With women s progress toward full economic and social equality stalled, women s lives becoming increasingly complex, and the structures of businesses changing, the ability to negotiate is no longer a luxury but a necessity Drawing on research in psychology, sociology, economics, and organizational behavior as well as dozens of interviews with men and women from all walks of life, Women Don t Ask is the first book to identify the dramatic difference between men and women in their propensity to negotiate for what they want It tells women how to ask, and why they should Fortune The best part of the book was the Introduction, which does a great job of succinctly explaining how females in our generation and culture were raised to be passive and non competitive, which works against them in their future careers by not teaching them how to negotiate for what they want Whether that be salary, responsibilities, or titles, we are never encouraged to ask for what we ve earned or what we deserve It blew my mind and explained a lot However, once you move into the main content The best part of the book was the Introduction, which does a great job of succinctly explaining how females in our generation and culture were raised to be passive and non competitive, which works against them in their future careers by not teaching them how to negotiate for what they want Whether that be salary, responsibilities, or titles, we are never encouraged to ask for what we ve earned or what we deserve It blew my mind and explained a lot However, once you move into the main content of the book, it s like reading one long academic research thesis The author constantly sites her own research, going into copious details about methodology and outcomes What it never seems to do, however, is to teach women like me who were brought up not to stand up for ourselves HOW to stand up for ourselves I m hoping that the subsequent book Ask For It How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation To Get What They Really Want gives me what I m looking for If you want to read the research, by all means read this book If you want to get straight to the point, you may want to start with the 2nd title Really interesting read on women power in negotiating the workplace As a woman who isn t afraid to ask for things that I feel are rightly deserved a promotion for working hard, a pay raise because I m making less than the going rate for whatever it is that I m doing , I was kind of shocked that so many of the example women in this book were so passive But then again, I ve been there I think it s hard work learning how to ask for what you need, and negotiate for things as a woman, because Really interesting read on women power in negotiating the workplace As a woman who isn t afraid to ask for things that I feel are rightly deserved a promotion for working hard, a pay raise because I m making less than the going rate for whatever it is that I m doing , I was kind of shocked that so many of the example women in this book were so passive But then again, I ve been there I think it s hard work learning how to ask for what you need, and negotiate for things as a woman, because women are raised to be very passive But reading this book definitely opened my eyes to some things that should help me get ahead in a culture where boys men are primarily raised on bending the rules, healthy competition, and being aggressive in asking for what they need Just because I wasn t brought up this way doesn t mean that I can t learn these things for my own use.One of thescary studies discussed in this book was one where a class of kindergarten teachers were told that some number of their students had scored very highly on a test that had been developed by Harvard that predicts future success, while another group of the students had not done as well The psychologists running the study returned a year later to see how the students were doing, and informed the teachers that the test had been completely MADE UP Interestingly enough, the teachers had acted on the bias of certain students will do well and actually encouraged those children , whether intentionally or sub consciously, and those kids were doing far better than their peers, based solely on the results of some imaginary test As you can see, the girls aren t good at math and similar stereotypes can easily cause a self fulfilling prophesy to happen unless people start thinking very critically about why they might buy into these ideas One really shocking part of this book covers the fact that women view negotiation as scary, intimidating, not worth the money you end up saving gaining, while men view it as exciting, like a game, and a way to getfor themselves and or their family As a result, women are far less likely to negotiate their salary The amount of money a woman can expect to lose over the life of her career just by not negotiating her first salary up by a small percent is a LOT, a difference of 500,000 over a 40 year career on average So it s worth it to learn how to effectively negotiate for things like that One big takeaway from this book for me, which applies to my work in the technology field where there are VERY few women, is that women arelikely to be devalued when their numbers are relatively small So it s important to keep the women who are already working in the tech field, as well as mentoring young girls and women who are interested so they don t see the small number of women in the field and decide that it must be a terrible place Women who work in male dominated industries or oganizations should do everything they can to reuce their token status Recruiting other women to their fields and their firms mentoring younger women and helping them rise to higher levels and working actively to build networks of women that can provide the same benefits men s networks have traditionally provided.Overall, this book has some good suggestions on how to get by the stereotypes that are out there, and there s some great advice on how to negotiate for salaries, what to do in a conflict, how to negotiate down when selling a car, etc And there are a LOT of interesting discussions about studies showing that women are at a disadvantage compared to men from a VERY early age This book was recommended to me by the only female partner at my firm I was skeptical because as a woman who doesn t fall into the tentative, indirect lady category, sometimes conversations about gender bore me However, this book was extremely helpful I would recommend and even read again to reinforce some concepts It is written in a research paper style, so just be prepared for that kind of structure The most helpful part was realizing the amount of things in life that are negotiable which This book was recommended to me by the only female partner at my firm I was skeptical because as a woman who doesn t fall into the tentative, indirect lady category, sometimes conversations about gender bore me However, this book was extremely helpful I would recommend and even read again to reinforce some concepts It is written in a research paper style, so just be prepared for that kind of structure The most helpful part was realizing the amount of things in life that are negotiable which I have never considered Additionally, I had been feeling insecure about some opinions I ve shared in professional settings recently, and through this book was able to identify that as my desire to preserve relationships over my desire to contribute strongly This book encourages self reflection, and I will use these concepts in my tool belt for the rest of my career A difficult book to read I tend to think of myself as assertive and confident then I noticed all the patterns I have courtesy of this book Of course I want people to like me and I don t want them to think that I m pushy or controlling The end result is, I don t get what I want and then I m unsatisfied at best or resentful and angry at worst I have found in my life that if I just open my mouth and ask for something, even if the answer is no, the world doesn t end and people don t walk a A difficult book to read I tend to think of myself as assertive and confident then I noticed all the patterns I have courtesy of this book Of course I want people to like me and I don t want them to think that I m pushy or controlling The end result is, I don t get what I want and then I m unsatisfied at best or resentful and angry at worst I have found in my life that if I just open my mouth and ask for something, even if the answer is no, the world doesn t end and people don t walk away hating me I m working toward askingand feeling less fear guilt intimidation about it The most striking findingwas that the students who had negotiated most of them men were able to increase their starting salaries by 7.4 percent on average, or 4,053 almost exactly the difference between the men s and women s average starting pay This suggests that the salary differences between men and women might have been eliminated if the woman had negotiated their offersThis book is a must read for everyone Even though this was published eleven years ago, the researchThe most striking findingwas that the students who had negotiated most of them men were able to increase their starting salaries by 7.4 percent on average, or 4,053 almost exactly the difference between the men s and women s average starting pay This suggests that the salary differences between men and women might have been eliminated if the woman had negotiated their offersThis book is a must read for everyone Even though this was published eleven years ago, the research still stands and is relevant to both men and women Women Don t Ask provides research and interview based data that seeks to explain a large reason for the gender pay gap women compared to men do not negotiate A failure to negotiate a starting salary, for instance, starts women at a 4,000 disadvantage and they won t ever catch up through raises to cover that gap The statistics and case studies presented in the book backs up what we have known for years, but it also provides useful recommendations to help women begin to negotiate and advocate for themselvesour society still perpetuates rigid gender based standards for behavior standards that require women behave modestly and unselfishly and avoid promoting their own self interest New generations of children are taught to abide by and internalize these standardswomen who do rebel against these standards by pushingovertly on their own behalf often risk being punished Sometimes they re called bitchySince reading this book I have become hyper aware of how the double standard that I have against people in power the same type of behavior by a woman in power rubs me the wrong way I have also noticed that I approach work, conflict, and even in selling myself and my skills differently than my male counterparts Even things as simple as discussing my experience in relation to job requirements is drastically different than my male colleagues, and this book opened my eyes to the behaviors that I can learn from them to be a stronger advocate for myself and other women in the workplace I cannot recommend this book enough to every person on this planet every human can benefit from the research and suggestions presented in this book.Blog Twitter Bloglovin As business books go, it was okay, and in the final analysis, I m glad I read it It did give me some broader perspectives on women in the workplace, and a new and DATA SUPPORTED viewpoint on behavioral traits in men and women If you are a business leader who has, expects to have, or wants to have women on your team and to support them as effectively as you can, it begins with understanding Women Don t Ask provides information, information supports understanding, and that can t help but make y As business books go, it was okay, and in the final analysis, I m glad I read it It did give me some broader perspectives on women in the workplace, and a new and DATA SUPPORTED viewpoint on behavioral traits in men and women If you are a business leader who has, expects to have, or wants to have women on your team and to support them as effectively as you can, it begins with understanding Women Don t Ask provides information, information supports understanding, and that can t help but make youeffective.One other thing I liked is that the authors by and large refrained from crossing the line between research and analysis vs blaming workplace gender inequity on society or men It s an easy path to go down, and a both attractive and slippery However, I was satisfied that Babcock Laschever generally maintained a good position of fact based objectivity and minimized straying into preaching.All of that said, it could have been a 100 page book The first 70 pages were solid and informative research studies, results, interpretation and objectivity On page 70, when the authors started to blame societal viewpoints and used gender roles of Mr Mrs PotatoHead from Toy Story as examples, the rating went from 4 stars to 3 3 became a 2 in the last 100 pages while one can appreciate a book that says here s our info, do what you want to with it , I would have foundvalue with some fact based information and examples of what businesses, business leaders, and particularly men can do to support, develop and nurture women s assertiveness in the workplace.Still beneficial, and all new knowledge is valuable This book has certainly been making me think a hell of a lot, it s made meobservant of the subtle or non subtle I had totally missed until now because they seem so normal ways in which girls and boys are treated and the expectations that are put upon them from early on, and how people of both genders react to things differently depending on the gender of the person who said or did it.I really enjoyed all the studies described all along the book, as well as the insights the book p This book has certainly been making me think a hell of a lot, it s made meobservant of the subtle or non subtle I had totally missed until now because they seem so normal ways in which girls and boys are treated and the expectations that are put upon them from early on, and how people of both genders react to things differently depending on the gender of the person who said or did it.I really enjoyed all the studies described all along the book, as well as the insights the book provides in understanding where a lot of social expectations and pressures come from and how they shape and affect how people, including myself, behave or react to others actions Knowing this is helpful to understand people s behaviour better and hopefully would encourage the readers, no matter their gender, to negotiate better for themselves I look forward to having a look at Ask for it , the follow up book which focuses on giving actual strategies to improve negotiation skills I found the book to not be very helpful at suggesting negotiation tips They mostly spent the majority of the book telling me how despite my best efforts I still wouldn t negotiate as well as a man, and then one chapter telling me that I still had hope if I read several other books Important topic butreportive than constructive.TheI think about this book thefrustrated and depressed it makes me, especially as I approach negotiations myself I wouldn t recommend reading it if yo I found the book to not be very helpful at suggesting negotiation tips They mostly spent the majority of the book telling me how despite my best efforts I still wouldn t negotiate as well as a man, and then one chapter telling me that I still had hope if I read several other books Important topic butreportive than constructive.TheI think about this book thefrustrated and depressed it makes me, especially as I approach negotiations myself I wouldn t recommend reading it if you don t want to end up feeling really cynical about being a woman