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Also see Alternate Cover Editions for this ISBN ACEACEAfter a Vampire Tracker Marks her with a crescent moon on her forehead,year old Zoey Redbird enters the House of Night and learns that she is no average fledgling She has been Marked as special by the vampyre Goddess Nyx and has affinities for all five elements Air, Fire Water, Earth and Spirit But she is not the only fledgling at the House of Night with special powers When she discovers that the leader of the Dark Daughters, the school s most elite club, is mis using her Goddess given gifts, Zoey must look deep within herself for the courage to embrace her destiny with a little help from her new vampyre friends or Nerd Herd, as Aphrodite calls them Not recommended Slut shaming, and actual depictions of non consensual sex present. Beware of spoilers But then again, just don t read this book Warning This review is just me being very negative In no way will this review sound intelligent and well written Therefore, if you wish to continue, you may.Anyway, I will start all the way from the beginning There are so many things I d like to point out.I pick up the book I see the cover It s a picture of half a girl s face I m guessing that s Zoey Whatever I look at the back There is a comment from Gena Showalter on the Beware of spoilers But then again, just don t read this book Warning This review is just me being very negative In no way will this review sound intelligent and well written Therefore, if you wish to continue, you may.Anyway, I will start all the way from the beginning There are so many things I d like to point out.I pick up the book I see the cover It s a picture of half a girl s face I m guessing that s Zoey Whatever I look at the back There is a comment from Gena Showalter on the top that says From the moment I stuck my face in this book it hooked me Totally awesome new take on vampires Marked is hot and dark and funny It rocks First of all, what kind of author talks like that Or is she just as idiotic as the Casts Or maybe she really did like it Or maybe the Casts made her write that Confused You ll see what I m talking about shortly There is also a dreadfully long summary of the whole damn book on the back Way to give away almost everything.The Characters Let s start with the protagonist herself, Zoey Redbird I found someone whinier than Bella Swan Someonestupid than Bella Swan Someoneclumsy than Bella Swan Specific evidence of Zoey s stupidity Page 1 If I died, would it get me out of my geometry test tomorrow One could only hope Oh, that s completely understandable I mean, I feel dumb for thinking about whether I left a lasting legacy I should be thinking about minuscule matters such as school tests Silly me Page 46 She wasn t thin like the freak girls who puked and starved themselves into what they thought was Paris Hilton chic That s hott Yeah, okay, whatever, Paris Freak girls Because anorexia and bulimia are not serious issues at all Page 100 Cereal I suddenly perked up I seriously adore cereal, and have an I heart Cereal shirt somewhere to prove it Do I need to even explain what s wrong with that Page 188 Can I ask you something It s kinda personal, Erik said Hey you ve seen me drink blood from a cup and like it, puke, kiss a guy, lick his blood like I m a puppy, and then bawl my eyes out And I ve seen you turn down a blow job I think I can manage to answer a kinda personal question What.Page 277 Aphrodite laughed a throaty, I m so grown up and you re just a kid laugh I really hate it when girls do that I mean, yes, she s older, but I have boobs, too Yes, because only breasts signify that a girl is grown up Great message, Casts.Also, I wanted to shoot myself with the stupid parenthetical overkill they put throughout the whole damn book.I m not sure if they deliberately created Zoey for the sole reason that we should all hate her They have no idea how teenagers act and talk Apparently all teenagers say LIKE OMG NO WAY YEAH, WHATEVER I HAVE BOOBS, TOO ZOMG.Zoey is the special, one of a kind, chosen one Only she can rule the world, basically Her mentor is the best She has all the powers She is the one and only Cliche much Very I was just sad I was stuck inside her head for the entire book I felt suffocated.Zoey s friends are all pathetic excuses for friends The twins are annoying little brats Damon is just a moron And oh yeah, the country girl Stevie Rae is just fucking annoying.Aphrodite and Erik I couldn t stop laughing every time I read about them AND WHO THE HELL HAS ORAL SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCHOOL HALLWAY Or am I really that naive when it comes to horny high school children Erik is thestupid hotter version of Edward Cullen He follows Zoey around He asks her incredibly awkward creepy questions He s just very romantic, am I right.Erik That s the ugliest thing I ve seen in my entire life Aphrodite is just a poor excuse for an antagonist Googles Aphrodite Oh The Greek goddess of love, beauty, and sexuality Another character whose name defines her personality rolls eyes The writing I guess editing just lost its meaning in the midst of horrible books Where is Editing Where are you, my love I m not even going to talk about the plot because there was no plot I only read half the book painfully , but I m certain there was no plot for the parts I didn t read as well I know this is said very lightly sometimes, but this is actually the worst book I ve ever read It was so painful to accept that this was actually published.I just want to say one last, important thing to the Casts Read about half of it Hated it I m returning the rest to the library.The authors tried to make so many references to pop culture, they sounded ridiculous, and then were even proud of themselves for sounding like teenagers, as they stated in the preface Dumb They tried to make moral lessons out of the life of this fledgling, and had her reject things like Paris Hilton s weight, oral sex amongst teenagers, and Ashton Kutcher unfortunately liking older women Oh, and the world was separated Read about half of it Hated it I m returning the rest to the library.The authors tried to make so many references to pop culture, they sounded ridiculous, and then were even proud of themselves for sounding like teenagers, as they stated in the preface Dumb They tried to make moral lessons out of the life of this fledgling, and had her reject things like Paris Hilton s weight, oral sex amongst teenagers, and Ashton Kutcher unfortunately liking older women Oh, and the world was separated into the vampyres and the religious right Could they beobviously parading their own moral agenda in young adult fiction Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the values they project in this book, they make it so plain that they are trying to jam pack the book with certain ideals that it turns out like literary crap If you want an awesome, captivating fantasy fiction series that gets teenage girls thinking about our over sexualized and beautified culture, try Scott Westerfield He s a littlesubtle, and thus requires some intelligent thought on what you re reading This was how the book started The first two pages literally went like this Tweeny 1 ZOMG like insert some teeny bs gossip here Tweeny 2 ZOMG like noteeny gossip andOMGs Tweeny 1 ZOMG like yeah All of a sudden some macho vamp guy stands in the hallway, points at teeny no 1 and is like ZOEY YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER IN A BOOK THAT IS SO NOT TRYING TO BE LIKE TWILIGHT BUT YEAH YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN Then they re like ZOMG YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN Tweeny 1 This was how the book started The first two pages literally went like this Tweeny 1 ZOMG like insert some teeny bs gossip here Tweeny 2 ZOMG like noteeny gossip andOMGs Tweeny 1 ZOMG like yeah All of a sudden some macho vamp guy stands in the hallway, points at teeny no 1 and is like ZOEY YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER IN A BOOK THAT IS SO NOT TRYING TO BE LIKE TWILIGHT BUT YEAH YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN Then they re like ZOMG YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN Tweeny 1 SNAP I have been chosen Tweeny 2 SNAP AND ZOMG YOU RE A FREAK NOW I M OUT OF HERE And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the worst book I have ever read starts off Worse than Twilight, worse than Hush, hush, and worse than Ever almost This book was just one big melodramatic teen angsty bitch fit With vampyres And stereotypes And a sexy hunk And a Queen Bee arch rival And a blowjob And of course the main character is a complete Mary sue, once again.I first read this just as a laugh, because sometimes I want to read bad books for the lolz But what was at first fun to make fun of then turned horrifically bad, and eventually so intolerable that I had to close it halfway As soon as Zoey was in love with Shakespeare vampire hunk, sorry, vampYre I just couldn t handle further stupidity I could not believe this was written by two adults This was like fanfiction I have seen fanfiction which went along pretty much the same basis as this book Heck I have seen fanfiction which was BETTER WRITTEN and BETTER OVERALL than this book Zoey was absolutely frustrating and so easy to hate That s horridly inconvenient since she s the main character, and we re being told this story from her perspective She whines and complains about EVERYTHING, and is an obvious attempt at a parody of a teenager by these two idiots of women authors A pin would fall to the ground and immediately her life is oooooverrrrrr Also according to Zoey, if you don t nail your underwear and your bra to your body and if you don t remain virginal in any way shape or form, whether it s kissing a guy or wearing a certain amount of make up or style of clothing, you re a total slut Woooow Zo, just because you re a goddamn prude it doesn t mean everyone else should be, and you shouldn t try to lecture your female readers on their sexuality Just because you re ashamed of sexuality, it doesn t mean that s a good thing because you happened to be a main character Also it s pretty obvious you re jealous you yourself can t be that proud Zoey s friends were all painful stereotypes Especially her girl friend what s her name again I don t know My mind shut her out because she was too damn annoying Oh wait Steve or something coughs anyway, yeah That chick was an obvious out there comic relief and completely uncalled for Every time she said anything I wanted to punch her I didn t care much for her gay friend either He was just a cliched gay And no, I don t have anything against homosexuals That would be awfully hypocritical since I m a very out of the closet homosexual myself But this guy was boring and cliched Then there s the queen Bee arch rival yawn Oh here s something I haven t seen before Oh and Zoey falls in love with some vampire guy after he reads a speech from Shakespeare in his sexy vampire hunk voice So within two seconds, Zoey is in love True love, yada yada, he s the one, he s so hot, all her friends support her love, bla bla bla, gush gush gush Then I closed the book What a piece of overrated, stinky, shitty tripe The writing was ridiculous, all the characters were boring and annoying and cliched to death, and the overall plot was pulled out of both authors nailed shut asshole It was ridiculous The whole book was bloody ridiculous What on earth was I reading shudder I can t believe this book was published, let alone so well received And don t give me that it s an amazing booooooook and you re just jealooooousssss crap Please It s an awful excuse for a book and I would rather watch 2 girls 1 cup again from the beginning to the end this time than have Marked by P.C Crap and Kristin Crap sitting on my shelf